It's not easy waiting for football to start. We're in the official dead zone here and if you're like me, it's killing you. But it is summer and it's not good wishing it away, especially if you're old, because you probably don't have that many summers left. So instead of just sitting at your computer counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until Utah takes the field against Michigan, here are 10 things you can do in the mean time.
10. Watch them film High School Musical 10: We Sing From Space Camp! Doesn't that just sound like a great way to kill a few hours? I mean, they have to be filming another High School Musical, since they churn those things out at a rate rivaling Steven Seagal and his millions of direct-to-video action thrillers.
09. Stand outside Chris Buttars' house faintly playing a little R&B from a Boombox. Watch as the racially charged antics ensue.
08. Comfort Chris Cannon on his election loss. This could take a while, even though he continues to tell the media he didn't want to win anyway. Sure, Chris, and I didn't really want that million dollar check Ed McMahon was pimping out, either.
07. Silence Super Dell Schanze. I thought this idiot was gone from our television sets the second his computer business imploded, but now he's doing annoying commercials for Money Train Title Loans. And the ads are just as bad -- if not worse -- than the crap we were subjected to a few years ago. I guess this is Schazne's way of paying off his own loans.
06. Run against Jon Huntsman! You won't win, but it'll give you something to do. I'm sure the Democrats have a position available and hell, by the time August rolls around and football starts, you can concede the race...just like the Democrats!
05. Become a David Archuleta impersonator. This could be a problem if you're not 4'8 and you don't sound like a 10 year old girl.
04. Hold an underground ultimate fighting match between Sarah Cummard and any choice of animal.
03. Build a shrine to Eric Weddle in some third world country (oh sorry, developing nation, I forgot, they don't like that term anymore). I'm thinking Djibouti.
02. Sell tapes of Bronco speaking as a sedative for insomniacs. It'll almost certainly knock any person out.
01. Reenact the entire 2004 season, game by game, using neighborhood kids and the elderly. Grandma Sue can block like a woman possessed.