Over the course of the next few months I'm going to have guests discuss the upcoming football season. Today I'm honored to have Mr. Pity himself, Laurence Tureaud. I pity the fool that don't read his football predictions.
I got some women in the back of my van, so let's get this thing started, you hear?
I'm famous, you hear? And so you better shut the hell up and listen to what I've got to say. No lip, no movement, no nuthin. We gonna sit down and look at this whole Mountain West landscape, you don't like, well you be a fool.
Firstly, what this conference? Mountain West? Are ya' located west of the mountains? What mountains? The Rockies? I pity you mountain folk, livin' in your huts atop some snowy peak with sasquatch roamin' around out there. I'd take sasquatch on, mana a mano and kick his furry ass, I tell ya' right now!
So we've got these fools from Texas, who live in the shadow of that damn Longhorn University, I pity those fools. They call themselves the Horned Frogs, who wants to be associated with a horny frog? Crazy fools. Anyway, this is the team to beat. Why? Because I said so, you crazy sucka. They're stacked and will pound yo' team's ass defensively. Yeah, better get out of the way of the TCU train, fools. I pity ya'.
This is football and if you ain't bloody, you ain't playin' it right. I expect poundings, cheerleaders and beer, that's my prediction for the upcomin' season, fool. Oh, and Utah? Utah? UTAH? I pity them fools. They're from Utah. Everyone pities Utah. Even Mr. T's mom pities Utah. But ya' can't pity their play and they be makin' some noise this season, no doubt.
Then there's BYU, BYWhat? BY-U! Who these chumps? Cougars? All I see is a bunch of pansy-ass white boys. No fear from them. I pity the fool who cheers for BYU. They ain't got nuthin.
I pity Block U for not giving T enough time. If they want to be unpitied, they need to give me more time. But these fools won't, so I pity 'em and I'm out of here. This was Mr. T First name Mr, middle name 'period', last name T!
Pity it.