Aww crap, why can't you just DIE?
We don't want to admit it, but there probably is some doubt that things won't work out as well as we all hope. Everything goes wrong and by the end of November, we're pleading for the end of the year. A season that leaves a putrid taste in our mouths and makes us question whether this program is heading in the right direction, or doomed to suffer the fates of hell -- hey, it's Friday the 13th, I'm allowed to be overly dramatic.
It starts on August 30th with an embarrassing loss to Oregon State. Brian Johnson looks nothing like he did in 2005 and Utah's defense really is bad. Then, a week later, Utah is stunned by an Air Force team that they couldn't aptly prepare for. The Falcons' new offense leaves Utah pining for the days of the wishbone attack and hoping that this isn't the start of one really long nightmare.
Of course it is and after Air Force, it only gets worse. UCLA rolls into town and throws the hammer down on Utah. The Utes are now 0-3 and still have a bulk of their schedule left to play. Where's that damn noose? Thankfully the Utes have dates with UNLV and Utah State, temporarily pulling out of their tailspin. Hey, 2-3 isn't all that bad...right? Anyone?
After that though, the season begins to crumble and the signs of the apocalypse are seen throughout the Salt Lake Valley. After a closer than expected win against Utah State, the Utes travel to Louisville, where they're blown out by epic proportions. Maybe by a score of 65-14, or some ridiculous outcome like that. After a reprieve with a victory over San Diego State, the Utes are back to their losing ways, getting smashed by TCU and then losing a tough contest against Colorado State.
Entering the final month of the season, Utah is now 3-6 and the only hope for salvaging the season rests within the slim chance of winning their three final games. That ends with a loss to Wyoming and then an even worse loss to New Mexico. And now it's Holy War week, except this is more like Unholy War week for the Utes. Utah only has 3-wins, while BYU is off doing something special. Ute fans bury their heads into their hands, praying the final game isn't a nut cracking, head bashing, Pavarotti listening bad time. But it is and the season ends with yet another embarrassing loss.
Then you wake up and realize it was all a nightmare, right? I mean Utah can't really screw up that badly, can they? It would take ineptitude beyond that of Gary Crowton to have an abortion like that. Thankfully I doubt it happens, but of course ya' never. Because as Friday the 13th has taught us, stranger things have happened...