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Family Guy takes over Mountain West football

Maybe it's not the "in thing" to do anymore, but I can't help but feel Family Guy perfectly fits with the Mountain West. It just does. Don't believe me, well read below...


Peter Griffin



Loud, fat, annoying and not very smart, yet the King of the Castle. No matter what you think of Peter, it doesn't change the fact he is the main guy here. 

Like Peter, BYU has consistently had the most loud and annoying fans in college football. Like Peter, most of us also take pleasure in their pain and they both are the butt of many jokes. The lone difference, of course, Peter is an irritating drunk and BYU is just irritating.

"If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert!"


Brian Griffin



A sarcastic drunk, Brian isn't the main character, but a loyal sidekick to Peter Griffin. His remarks are often filled with lude innuendos and he isn't above making cracks about Peter.

Like Brian, Utah hasn't found its way out of Peter's shadow recently, yet it can dominate in its own right. And like the Family Dog, their fans, at least in BYU fans' minds, are nothing but lude, sarcastic drunks.

"Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"


Stewie Griffin



Blast! Stewie has the tools necessary to dominate the family, yet only has managed to do it in limited fashion. His quest to ultimately kill Lois generally ends in defeat, no matter how close he comes.

Like Stewie, TCU flirted with its goal of dominating, however, after winning the Mountain West in 2005, they've faltered since. Each time they get close, it's as if the high chair is pulled out from under them.

"So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"

New Mexico

Chris Griffin



Chris Griffin is the lovable dolt. He doesn't succeed much, even though he can work hard, but sometimes shows a glimpse of success, telling us that maybe he isn't a complete failure after all. And yet his ineptness often holds him back from becoming a central figure in the family.

Like Chris, New Mexico is a program you have a hard time hating. They're hard working and at times show us they're not completely mediocre, like they did last season. Yet when everything seems to be going their way and you expect them to make the next step, their own buffoonery trips them up. Drats.

"I need an adult! I need an adult!"

Air Force

Francis Griffin



Francis Griffin doesn't really belong to the Griffin family. He's old, mean and set in his ways, but most importantly, objects to every aspect of the Griffin lifestyle. He's a tough sonofabitch, yet deep down you know you want him on your side.

Like Francis, Air Force does not really belong to the Mountain West, as they're the lone service academy in a conference. They're also set in their ways and you know deep down they could kick your ever loving ass. Yet, like Franky, you'd rather they be on your side...until you have a run-in.

"Peter, you're a fat stinkin' drunk!"

Colorado State

Joe Swanson



Joe Swanson has a temper, but he's a pretty nice guy. He also seems to live in the past, remembering what it was like to actually have working legs. Unfortunately for Swanson, his legs don't work and his past glory probably won't come back, either. But it won't stop him from showing some signs of success.

Like Joe, Colorado State once had glory and then it all came crumbling down. Now they're left remembering the good times and hoping for better ones ahead. It probably isn't happening, but it shouldn't stop them from at least being competitive.

San Diego State

Cleveland Brown




Cleveland Brown is an all around nice guy, unfortunately, not much happens to him. He's just there and you get the sense this is about all he'll ever be.

Like Cleveland, San Diego State is just there, but outside of expecting something decent, nothing really happens. Just a nice balance between the good and the really bad.

"Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protectors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate."


Glen Quagmire




Glen Quagmire is a sexaholic, alcoholic and has never been able to mount Lois (you'll understand this in a minute). He probably has more STDs than the city of Las is there a more perfect fit for UNLV than Quagmire? I think not.

"Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time."


Meg Griffin



Really, does this need explaining? Meg is someone you want to like, but can't really  because you pity her too much. Just like Wyoming.

"Dad, if I don't get my driver's license, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married and I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell."

Mountain West Conference

Lois Griffin



C'mon, this one is obvious! Lois is hot and every one of the above characters wants to climb on her, yes, even Meg. Unfortunately, at the time, only Peter (BYU) is getting the action. Every character and team's goal is to eventually get with her, but only Peter, Brian (Utah) and Stewie (TCU) -- he's still breast feeding age, baby  --  have a real shot.